Long awaited post! The state of the Suzy
Aug. 16th, 2007 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
suzyscottdotcomWell, I did say I would do one of these… didn’t have the opportunity until now!
I’ve changed quite a bit this year, so I think it’s apt to look back at all the recent changes and happenings. This is most specifically with the last few months – I’ve not set a limit.
Hormones – The previous switch from androcur/provera to finastride/duphaston seemed to help with the depression. Finastride has limited benefits for me, so I will continue to take what I have, and stop it when I stop hormones pre-op, but not to reinstate it “on the other side”. The hair isn’t a problem for me, and the anti-androgenic effects of it (1) aren’t that strong, but (2) won’t really be needed when I lose the primary source of testosterone in the body (keep reading re surgery). Most recently I started experimenting, replacing the premarin with progynova [estradiol valarate]. After the slight change to my surgery date, this gives me another couple of weeks to experiment with these things, so I have ramped up (for now) to 3 x 2mg tabs per day, for now. The main thing I notice so far is that my mind is a lot more stable than it was before. “Spikes” of emotions and feelings appear to be less than before. Crying is a lot less than before (combined with the anti-depressants, for now). My body seemed to tolerate the change from one form to another relatively well, and I have seen the improvements with the number of compliments I have received. The flip side could be, when I stop the pills for surgery, the body may have got too used to them – but having been on them for just a few months, hopefully I will get around this!
Me, taken on 1st August 2007
Me, taken on 6th July 2007
Me on 5th June 2007
The effects of these pills are mostly seen around my face, hair, and something else… which brings me onto…
Chest, weight and body shape – well, some of you have noticed, but have put it in other ways… like “You’ve lost a lot of weight…” when what you really want to ask is “Suzy, where have your tits gone?” LOL – but it’s true. Until recently, I’d worn breast forms as a way of adding a little shape. After well over a year of premarin, it didn’t do much for my chest – not that it is meant to in every case, but something is better than nothing. Now, some minor growth is starting to poke through (I am being reassured by someone who is keeping a close eye on the situation!), and yes, I can tell the difference too. I’ve recently stopped using the forms – these being the last non-standard item I have in my wardrobe/possession. A pair of enhancers was purchased some time ago in a sale, and may well come into use, combined with what is slowly forming.
Passability – something that I’ve never been that fussed about, but a combination of the new hormones, new chest shape, a different environment, and being in love, have helped me a lot. Even in jeans and walking boots, I still appear to have less issue passing. Weirdly, it seems to work better south of the border than up north. Cambridge people may well be more understanding, but the locals of Royston seem oblivious to anything (and I mean that in a nice way). No problems, no comments. I never really suffered too much with these things, maybe because I don’t hang around for anyone long enough to notice…
Environment – I am currently spending quite a bit of my time in Hertfordshire with Caroline. The trains in the background are of little distraction – at least they stop at night, unlike my flat in Dundee (where the ring road, car park and underpass generate a lot of noise). This means I can now sleep better, which is naturally having a better effect on me throughout the day. It seems as if my body is now also synced with Caroline’s – to the point where I now routinely wake up around 0700-0800 daily – even when we are apart. That would have been unthinkable a few months ago – and it does make such a difference to the day! Royston is under an hour by train from London, 40 mins on the bus to Cambridge, and about 60-80 minutes on the bus to Hertford. Readers will be more than aware of some of the travels that I have had recently! I had some knowledge of Hertfordshire from when I lived in north London (Southgate was not too far from the boundary on the other side into London!), but Cambridge was totally new to me. Now, I can give directions to any unsuspecting tourist…
Clothing – skirts quite a bit, but the jeans & boots have been used quite a lot this summer. OK, the weather has not been the best, but it does seem to work quite well.
Family – some progress here. My sister was down here recently, and I’ve had one card from my mother. OK, she didn’t want me to proceed with the surgery, but I get the feeling that will not change. Saw my dad while I was up in Scotland earlier this month – he appeared a little better than the last time I’d seen him, but still in the same situ as he was. That will (sadly) never change.
Work – having resigned from my last job in July, I’d started to look around – then I got my date for surgery. This has helped to lift a huge weight from my shoulders – I got that as soon as I sent the resignation letter. Yes, there were good times there, but I’d had enough. I’d been there too long. I’ve been looking, and I have some ideas for post-op, which will be on hold until afterwards. That brings me onto…
Surgery – yes, and the diary says I have 61 days to go (60 days till I go in). It’s not so much about chopping off my penis – although it’s never behaved as it should have done, in numerous ways. The main thing (I feel) will be removing the main source of testosterone from my body – then, the oral hormones will have more of a free ride over my body. The post-op glow (similar to a pregnant woman’s glow) is caused by hormone changes, the likes of which the body has never known before. Of course, getting rid of an appendage – well, actually, no – not getting rid of, as it goes back inside of sorts. I say all this now, but I will let you all know how I feel in time.
Love and lust – I saved the best till last. Caroline has helped to facilitate most of this, and I still try to thank her every night when we are together. She does get easily embarrassed, but she knows how I feel. It’s not just about a lust thing. It’s not just about material things either. As I often say, you could take it all away, and we’d still have our minds. Her mind is very loving, caring, and she has done a huge amount for me. I’m trying to balance things up in time… might be a while! I owe her a huge gratitude for looking after me, and loving me from the bottom of her heart.
xxx
Suzy
I’ve changed quite a bit this year, so I think it’s apt to look back at all the recent changes and happenings. This is most specifically with the last few months – I’ve not set a limit.
Hormones – The previous switch from androcur/provera to finastride/duphaston seemed to help with the depression. Finastride has limited benefits for me, so I will continue to take what I have, and stop it when I stop hormones pre-op, but not to reinstate it “on the other side”. The hair isn’t a problem for me, and the anti-androgenic effects of it (1) aren’t that strong, but (2) won’t really be needed when I lose the primary source of testosterone in the body (keep reading re surgery). Most recently I started experimenting, replacing the premarin with progynova [estradiol valarate]. After the slight change to my surgery date, this gives me another couple of weeks to experiment with these things, so I have ramped up (for now) to 3 x 2mg tabs per day, for now. The main thing I notice so far is that my mind is a lot more stable than it was before. “Spikes” of emotions and feelings appear to be less than before. Crying is a lot less than before (combined with the anti-depressants, for now). My body seemed to tolerate the change from one form to another relatively well, and I have seen the improvements with the number of compliments I have received. The flip side could be, when I stop the pills for surgery, the body may have got too used to them – but having been on them for just a few months, hopefully I will get around this!
Me, taken on 1st August 2007
Me, taken on 6th July 2007
Me on 5th June 2007
The effects of these pills are mostly seen around my face, hair, and something else… which brings me onto…
Chest, weight and body shape – well, some of you have noticed, but have put it in other ways… like “You’ve lost a lot of weight…” when what you really want to ask is “Suzy, where have your tits gone?” LOL – but it’s true. Until recently, I’d worn breast forms as a way of adding a little shape. After well over a year of premarin, it didn’t do much for my chest – not that it is meant to in every case, but something is better than nothing. Now, some minor growth is starting to poke through (I am being reassured by someone who is keeping a close eye on the situation!), and yes, I can tell the difference too. I’ve recently stopped using the forms – these being the last non-standard item I have in my wardrobe/possession. A pair of enhancers was purchased some time ago in a sale, and may well come into use, combined with what is slowly forming.
Passability – something that I’ve never been that fussed about, but a combination of the new hormones, new chest shape, a different environment, and being in love, have helped me a lot. Even in jeans and walking boots, I still appear to have less issue passing. Weirdly, it seems to work better south of the border than up north. Cambridge people may well be more understanding, but the locals of Royston seem oblivious to anything (and I mean that in a nice way). No problems, no comments. I never really suffered too much with these things, maybe because I don’t hang around for anyone long enough to notice…
Environment – I am currently spending quite a bit of my time in Hertfordshire with Caroline. The trains in the background are of little distraction – at least they stop at night, unlike my flat in Dundee (where the ring road, car park and underpass generate a lot of noise). This means I can now sleep better, which is naturally having a better effect on me throughout the day. It seems as if my body is now also synced with Caroline’s – to the point where I now routinely wake up around 0700-0800 daily – even when we are apart. That would have been unthinkable a few months ago – and it does make such a difference to the day! Royston is under an hour by train from London, 40 mins on the bus to Cambridge, and about 60-80 minutes on the bus to Hertford. Readers will be more than aware of some of the travels that I have had recently! I had some knowledge of Hertfordshire from when I lived in north London (Southgate was not too far from the boundary on the other side into London!), but Cambridge was totally new to me. Now, I can give directions to any unsuspecting tourist…
Clothing – skirts quite a bit, but the jeans & boots have been used quite a lot this summer. OK, the weather has not been the best, but it does seem to work quite well.
Family – some progress here. My sister was down here recently, and I’ve had one card from my mother. OK, she didn’t want me to proceed with the surgery, but I get the feeling that will not change. Saw my dad while I was up in Scotland earlier this month – he appeared a little better than the last time I’d seen him, but still in the same situ as he was. That will (sadly) never change.
Work – having resigned from my last job in July, I’d started to look around – then I got my date for surgery. This has helped to lift a huge weight from my shoulders – I got that as soon as I sent the resignation letter. Yes, there were good times there, but I’d had enough. I’d been there too long. I’ve been looking, and I have some ideas for post-op, which will be on hold until afterwards. That brings me onto…
Surgery – yes, and the diary says I have 61 days to go (60 days till I go in). It’s not so much about chopping off my penis – although it’s never behaved as it should have done, in numerous ways. The main thing (I feel) will be removing the main source of testosterone from my body – then, the oral hormones will have more of a free ride over my body. The post-op glow (similar to a pregnant woman’s glow) is caused by hormone changes, the likes of which the body has never known before. Of course, getting rid of an appendage – well, actually, no – not getting rid of, as it goes back inside of sorts. I say all this now, but I will let you all know how I feel in time.
Love and lust – I saved the best till last. Caroline has helped to facilitate most of this, and I still try to thank her every night when we are together. She does get easily embarrassed, but she knows how I feel. It’s not just about a lust thing. It’s not just about material things either. As I often say, you could take it all away, and we’d still have our minds. Her mind is very loving, caring, and she has done a huge amount for me. I’m trying to balance things up in time… might be a while! I owe her a huge gratitude for looking after me, and loving me from the bottom of her heart.
xxx
Suzy
