suzyscottdotcom: (Roary&Me)

When I did the last one of these, I did not intend to make this into a monthly personal blog post, but then again, I’ve been busy. Also, the State of the Suzy posts were meant to be every month – who knows…?


A is for Anniversary. Yesterday was our 3 Years 4 Months anniversary. We didn’t do anything special (see under C) but we had a little celebratory meal inside the day before, in addition to the events under C.


B is for Busy. Yes, been busy again.


C is for Civil Partnership. I was at a friend’s, which was my first, yesterday. Malc and Ray got hitched in the Hotel Russell. A handful of random photo shots here, but suffice to say, we enjoyed the day.

D is for Driving Licence.
Well, I got the full “clean bill of health” from the HD Clinic earlier this year, so I decided I would apply for a driving licence. I’ve never had one before, and I did know that one day, it would be refused or revoked on medical grounds. Well, it transpires that as my meds sometimes make me sleepy, they aren’t even giving me a provisional. (They even sent me £50 application fee back, which came in handy the week before payday!)  So, Plan B was to apply for one of these travel permits (“bus pass” as they are otherwise known), or ENCTS (English National Concessionary Travel Scheme). Bear in mind that I’ve now been refused a driving licence, I now qualify, so nothing to lose! I took the application down to the council offices in Letchworth a week past Friday (22nd July), and arrived in the post yesterday (31st July)! So, yes, I now get free travel, across most of England, off-peak (or all day in London & Herts). As you can probably imagine, this may well save me some money! Before anyone reminds me that this is subsidised by the taxpayer, my income is taxed too, so I am still contributing substantially towards the cost. I knew I’d be refused a driving licence one day, the HD would see to that. However, it was a bit of a surprise, but Plan B was a good one! (Plan C was to appeal Plan B, then Plan D was to appeal Plan A). Interestingly, driving licence applications give you six months to appeal in England or Wales, or 21 days in Scotland. Why the difference?

F is for feelings. Again, doing very well.


G is for Girlfriend. Caroline is now working in Stevenage, following the relocation of her work, earlier this week.


H is for Hospital, which was under A last time (Addenbrooke’s). Well, I’ve had the dietician appointment, fine; some good points included a kilo and a half less since my referral letter! I am still waiting for the call back re the other appointment from the Gastroenterology department, so my Doctor is now chasing.


R is for Randomness. Now, Dougie (thebustocrookes) does an interesting thread called #randomchocolatetuesday where he takes a random chocolate, photographs it, then eats it – the posts are a lot better than this brief recap. So, if I had to do one Random thing, what should it be, and when? In previous work, when I didn’t work Fridays, I had my own personal policy of “try something new Friday” – back in the days before this blog! So, what should mine be? Transport related, GF food related, Health related, Love related, Clothing related, Shopping related, Coffee related? Thoughts would be welcome…


S is for Shopping. End of month means a few new things, as ever. However, I mention this as I’ve got a new wardrobe – well, got some more clothing, ordered online. MY account was clear, and it’s around this time of year that I need some stuff for both seasons. Some stuff I’d not had on in a long time… C seems to like the way the slinky vests go around my chest!


T is for Tigers. Well, I will try and keep transport stuff separate from these posts, but Tiger Line/Woottens are my main employer, so there may be the odd sighting or report here! In my post earlier today, I explain how things are going, with a picture of one of the repainted buses. Monday 9th August is the target date, and I’ve just got the resetting of the Wayfarer (ticket machines), setting up the electronic blinds (the traditional blinds for the new Tigers have arrived, and been fitted) and the last bit of route learning, and the launch. Duties are being issued to drivers this week, and all going well, we’re ready to roll on 9th August 2010. You can see a set of pictures here, which includes some “mid-way through” shots.



On top of all that, there are some other projects that I’m doing, behind the scenes.

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With a busy time of it, I trust that I’m forgiven for overlooking the journal!

Today was a busy one too – after C’s two appointments this morning (and wait for blood tests afterwards), I’ve been trying to catch up since. Tomorrow, of course, is an evening appointment at Sussex Nuffield Hospital, Brighton, at 1900, then back in time for Wednesday morning 0930 at the Forvie/HD clinic at Addenbrookes Hospital, Cambridge! Thursday, not just a CMA due in, then a discussion with the woman from ICAS in regards to the doctor who got us in this mess in the first place!

In the meantime, yes, it’s been hectic all around. Many things happening. Most important for me  being new phones (the last cordless phones were cutting out after less than five minutes, after four years of use), and a new Apple aluminium thin keyboard, which is useful for having all the keys in the right places (versus a PC one) and having a visible Caps Lock light (useful for when trying to TAB and hitting it inadvertently!) Sound simple, but it’s the things that I spend most time with. Also, lots of purchases, one leaving the flat – we’ve sold the colour laser printer via eBay, and replaced it with a mono one. No major problems, just an issue with cost of refilling it every few months working out more than we had hoped. The sale has helped pay for it’s replacement. Also, on Friday and Sunday, we had stops at Lush Cambridge for several armfuls of items.

Transport – meh, lots to talk about. I’ll come back to that.

So, I’m kind of in two minds, but then again, maybe that’s inevitable. (If you’ve just started reading my journal, you may wish to go back over the lump/bulge/bigger issues since November 2008). As to how I’ve ended up with two referrals for one set of work, well, that’s something else. Just hope that one way or another, this can be looked at, and diagnosed with whatever.

I had kind of hoped to say something thoughtful and monumental. It’s almost like being at the beginning again. Remember back to March 30/31 and April 1 2007, when I first came down for an appointment at the hospital – and ended up falling in love with Caroline. Many thoughts through my head that day – but the main reason for going was, of course, a prequel to surgery. As for everything that happened between those two things, well, what is done is done. In the meantime, I’ve became a better person for being in love, but that might still be skirting the situation. The reason for going down, is, of course, going to lead (eventually, more than likely) to some further surgical work. I shall take one day at a time on that score.

In the meantime, Wednesday morning, and it’s the Genetics thing again. Now, I’ve got this, like it or not. I’ve been trying to split bad feelings to between what should normally be expected (hormonal ups and downs), feelings of anxiety/depression (I’ve begun to think that it is mostly anxiety, but depression perhaps at certain times), and potentially explosive reactions that I’d seen before from my father. Of course, he couldn’t control the latter, and it’s not easy to watch. Especially when I didn’t know why, at that time. However, it does allow me to know what to watch out for – hope that doesn’t sound bad, but I frequently have to take the best of bad situations! Over the last few months, stability/walking has been an issue. Okay, I did have a fairly bad fall (well two of them one evening peak in central London) and that didn’t help – physically or mentally. It’s not a good thing to be walking and falling face-first. Especially when it’s not the first time. I am trying to take things a little easier for now. It’s kind of just as well that we’ve settled in where we are, for now, but never say never. So, how can I work around this? By putting the experience of bad days behind me, and vowing to live for the good ones. However, there’s a slight drawback in having to reveal all my personal problems in the last six months, in the space of several hours… and hopefully, some sleep.

I’ve done many things more than once in my life. Is this going to be the start of another journey, through the remaining months and years of my life? Trying to make the best of life as I can, as we are, and surviving through the bad times. I’d like to give it a go.
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One of the more difficult things to do in everyday life is to remain calm. Some of you point out how calm I look in numerous circumstances, especially when all around may well have lost the head. There is an inner calm, which sometimes isn’t that easy for me to find. Sometimes it is the complete opposite to how I may look (which may also partly explain why I don’t always have a smile on my face, when I am happy). Monday night (after bed) for example. My mind decided that, rather than let me sleep, it would go through the evening’s events, and decide on little things that I could complain about. I really didn’t see the point. I could feel myself getting upset and angry about little things.

I remember vividly when growing up, how my dad could quite often lose control of what was going on in his head or his hands. Quite often, he’d get very upset over little things. I’m trying not to get like that. (Perhaps the lack of testosterone now will help me, but as you can see, it’s not a way out, not by any means).

These are all side-effects of what I have to ‘look forward’ to in years to come. I’m not medically qualified to decide or decipher what’s going on in my, but the coincidences continue to mount up. Some of them have been ongoing in my body for several months/years. Some even predate my transition. I’m trying to understate them rather than get worked up about it.

OK, so my life is now the best of a bad lot. I’ve fought many things, and conquered several times. I’ll continue as long as I can. I’m writing about this now, largely for the memories, if I can look back when the time comes that I cannot control my own destiny.

Having said what I’ve done, I’m going to try and be as happy and positive over the coming weeks and months. Tomorrow is the start of my 29th year on this earth. Caroline & I have been verbally planning the next few months, and assuming all goes to plan, we will continue together, very happy. If I’d been on my own at this point, I doubt I would have survived, or even made it here.
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I’ve just spent a few hours typing up the last three days – and Tuesday was written out in every little detail, just as some of you lot like it! So, for the benefit of those who read this via a friends list, here are the four most recent entries;

Tuesday 18th December - Girls Behaving Sadly
Click for a full day of travel, friends, shopping for ‘shiny’s and sex toys, friends, and public transport going up the creek… )

Wednesday 19th December - The day after... the day before...
Fog, kettles, cold, work, shopping, everything you need!

Thursday 20th December – two posts so far
Travel Dundee – bus fares, service changes, and a new identity
Playing with the shiny's
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So, having unwrapped the new HP Photosmart E327, here’s how 5.0 megapixels looks out the window, when it’s minus four out on the ground... (and I have since worked out how to turn off the date stamp… took me just a few minutes to turn the flash off, but I was ignoring the obvious!)

Only other news of note - I've got word from Addenbrooke's that I'm now awaiting an appointment at their genetics facilities, which will save a trip to Forfar in February.
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... well, we had intended going our last night to Peterborough - about 50 miles drive away from Royston -  to meet someone that I'd got in touch with via the HDA. Trying to do it in such a short time after C's work, we had to go by car...

... which means, we got as far as the A1 nortbound at Buckden, Hunts, only for us to end up parked up in the private road adjacent to a scaffolders yard shortly before 1900, with a punctured tyre.

After about 90 minutes, the AA's subcontractor finally got us going (after all the AA patrols were 'assisting other members'... yes, we saw them driving past!), and we decided to return home, and reschedule for another night. I think we then picked our way through the A14, M11 and A10.

It wasn't that so much... or the cold... it was just the feeling of everything rushing through my head at once... again. Here's me thinking I was ready for almost anything...

... had it not been for some over-the-counter sedatives, I feel that I would have had a much worse night than I did.

Anyway, today has been better. At home, and was browsing through a set of new-ish Highlands travel guides in the bath, and we are going out this evening. With a bit of luck, the same won't happen again.


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September 2010



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