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The weekend was fine. Went really well. C’s finally got a new colour laser printer, and a ton of the cash back again on promotion. New books etc. to add to the collection. My book has now broken even, and the copies that a friend purchased for resale at rallies, all went in the first weekend (at an event last month), and he's taken more! We’re planning for the future, and I was feeling really good. Sunday was really good – met lots of friends, added more stuff to the collection.

Except, I’ve not been able to sleep since I started taking the new meds on Wednesday past – at least, not for several hours at a time.

Yesterday, I was a little tired, but nothing unusual, or so I thought. Come mid-late evening, a simple conversation had gone to the point where something took over my mind, and I was back to a place I’d not been for seven years. I wanted to end it all. I wanted out. I saw no future for myself.

I’m not making this up – I feel bad writing this even now.

So, what brought me down? Those new medications from last week? I’m almost certain! Only a few days, and already I’m feeling suicidal. Another well intended, but unfortunately, not really working, recommendation from the docs who previously recommended Provera and Androcur. (No idea why they wanted to suggest an anti-depressant when the question was actually about HRT, but I’m not fussed, it’s just my health after all).

As my own doc here is away for the day, I came off the other ones (didn’t take them last night). Still couldn’t sleep for 3-4 hours, finally fell asleep after 1am. I don’t want to get back into that way.

So, aside from this, today is our 18 month anniversary – we’ve now made it together that long. I very nearly fell at the last obstacle. I’m kind of glad I didn’t.