If Ryanair Buys The East Coast Main Line...

[suzyscottdotcom]

... this was in The Guardian at the weekend, and was also reposted on the Anglia Bus Forum over the weekend...

A witty reader (he's not sent his name, fearing legal reprisals) sends in a wonderful fantasy in which Michael O'Leary of Ryanair buys our east coast railway and runs it like his airline. The ticket prices will look like amazing bargains, say London to Edinburgh for £1.

"But these principles will apply: fee of £5 for internet booking, £5 for timetable inquiries, £5 for credit card payments, £20 for clicking the OK – pay button, admission charge to station, charge for compulsory on-board ticket inspection, £5 alighting fee, £10 penalty for not pre-ordering £5 alighting fee, and that's before we've started on the baggage charges and the £10 for those mini-carrier bags from the buffet if you want to get back to your seat (£7.50 compulsory reservation charge) without spilling coffee all over you. The company dismissed the £1 blowing-your-own-nose fee as pure speculation."